Season 12 Episode Guide

Episode 12-22: Friday, April 1, 2005 @ 8:30PM

Canadian Moment
Charles and Camilla’s upcoming wedding is the hot topic in the donut shop.
Dakota Commercial
Native pitchman Floyd Red Crow Westerman sells his new product “Dakota Beavers-In-Your-Pants Pain Reliever”.
CBC News Today: Kyoto Protocol
Kyoto discussion leaves the panel feeling all hot and bothered.
Newman News
Don Newman talks about Radio Shack, police in Winnipeg, pine beetles, alcohol and gas price expected to rise this summer, Swiss plan to stop glaciers, police find drug dealers building a submarine, Toronto Blue Jays, woman finds finger in her chili, Addidas unveils new “smart shoe”.
Sister Bessie
Sandie Rinaldo speaks to security guard at the Parthenon about a Canadian student charge with picking up a piece of marble.
Sandie & Nick
Sister Bessie talks about Paul Martin’s minority government.
Funeral For Bubba The Lobster
Jay Ingram interviews a SARS virus.
Daily Planet: SARS
A priest eulogizes an old lobster.
French Comic
A French comic struggles to perform his act speaking English.

Episode 12-21: Friday, April 1, 2005 @ 8:00PM

News From Away
Jimmy and Shamus O’Toole report on the Queen’s plan to visit Alberta and Saskatchewan, next Governor General should be Lakota guy, Kyrgyzstan, woman rows across Pacific, NHL season, Brian Mulroney, tax tip and how to tell if your teenager is taking steroids.
Bride of Chucky Quickie
Movie parody about the upcoming Chuck and Camilla nuptials.
CTV NewsNet: Air Canada Uniforms
An Air Canada flight attendant speaks about their new uniforms.
Ralph Klein: Senate Commentary
Ralph Klein beefs about recent appointments to the Senate.
Point Counterpoint: Gender Based Pricing
Debate about Gender Based Pricing.
Coronation Street Keith's Guy
Keith’s Ale guy shows up on an episode of Coronation Street.
Alan Park: Not The Official Story
Alan Park talks about Canadian lab technician deals with ebola-like virus, George Bush, Bobby Fisher, Charles/Camilla, Italian reporter shot in Iraq, sleep apnea, Kofi Annan, women and their love for chocolate.
Gomery Quickie
Parody of MasterCard commercial that targets the Gomery Commission.
Concussion Awareness
Hockey player promotes Concussion Awareness.
Springtime With Martha Stewart
Martha Stewart enjoys the first day of spring.
Entertainment News With Liz & Liza
Liz & Liza rant about new Donald Trump bio-pic, Paula Abdul, Rod Stewart, new Star Wars, Sarah Jessica Parker, Whitney Huston, Juno Awards and Michael Jackson.
Hockey Not In Canada
Hockey In Canada analysts Bob Cole and Harry Neale host a special edition of Hockey Not In Canada.
Blue Ice Animation
Fans react to the NHL trying out a blue ice surface.

Episode 12-20: Friday, March 25, 2005 @ 8:30PM

Thank You News
The Thank You News teams reports on Canada joins major terrorism exercise, scented bowling balls, cat eviction from Bangladesh hospital, chewing gum to increase breast size, Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to ban junk food from California schools, kids coat found with razor blades, Mel Gibson.
Easter At Neverland Ranch
Easter Bunny has a special present for Michael Jackson.
Ad Absurdum
Commercials – CIBC, Fido Guy, Kit Kat, Crescendo Rising Crust Pizza, Swiffer Duster, Rick Mercer and Blockbuster.
Night Of The Living Harper
Stephen Harper scares people into following his ideals.
Inside Sports Tonight
Inside sports host Vic Taber talks about Toronto Blue Jays, Roberto Alomar, congressional investigation into steroid use, Jose Canseco, NASCAR, Kobe Bryant.
Stan's New Airline
Stan’s new airline will help pick up the slack from the demise of Jetsgo.
Short Order Cook: Bird Flu
A short order cook shares her views on the Bird Flu.
Bill Gates Knighting Animation
Bill Gates gets knighted by the Queen.
Alan Park: Not The Official Story
Alan Park rants about Jetsgo, potholes in Quebec, Lord of the Rings musical, How to tell you’re in a rut, Da Vinci Code critism, Paris Hilton, and Billy Joel.
The Hour: Martin's Speech
George Stroumboulopoulos dissects a Paul Martin speech with the help of Jack Layton, Valerie Pringle and Melissa the fast food.
Knob Of The Week
Conservative Party loose cannon Cheryl Gallant is the Knob of the Week.
Forest Couple Commercial
”Halls Shotguns” taking care of annoying woodpeckers.
Charles & Camilla Animation
Charles and Camilla get more than they bargained for when they hail a cab.

Episode 12-19: Friday, March 25, 2005 @ 8:00PM

The National
Peter Mansbridge reports on Paul Martin visits Bush and Mexican president, Conservative party’s new slogan, Chris Cuthbert, Air India, new Tsunami warning system, Molson’s new caffeinated beer, Russian President Putin, Manhattan restaurant for nudists.
Rex Murphy Promo
Rex Murphy’s new show Rex and the City.
Ebb & Flo: Beef Initiatives
Due to closed borders Ebb & Flo have come up with new ways to make money from their cattle.
Martin Meets Bush
During a visit to George Bush’s ranch, Paul Martin encounters the Bush twins’ then talks’ mad cow and drilling for oil in Alaska.
Kirstie Alley: Wacky Fat Actress
Kirstie Alley promotes her new show “Fat Actress”.
Across Canada Today
Across Canada today looks at Quebec shock-jock leaves the airwaves, security camera in BC casino focusing on women’s breasts, hockey brawl in Amherst Nova Scotia.
Fear Factor Promo
Contestants on Fear Factor face a horrific challenge.
Dyer Report: Military Budget
Gwynne Dyer comments about the Liberal government’s decision to budget more money for the military.
Jewish Jeopardy Promo
Jewish Jeopardy – where contestants must phrase their answers in the form of a complaint.
Cialis Commercial
Commercial for Gravol.
Larry & Jacko Actor
Larry King interviews the actor who will be playing Michael Jackson during the daily re-enactments of the trial.

Episode 12-18: Friday, March 4, 2005 @ 8:00PM

Craig Oliver's 3-Way
Craig Oliver, John Ralston Saul, Nick the Greek and Kalan Porter talk about Condoleezza Rice, Dalton McGuinty, farmers circle Queen’s Park, Tutankhamun, Greeks – archeology, Scott Tournament of Hearts, capture of Saddam’s half brother.
Charles & Camilla Plan Wedding
Charles & Camilla plan their wedding.
CBC Sports Centre: Terry Leibel
Cutbacks and firings leaves CBC sportscaster Terry Leibel holding down the fort.
Knob Of The Week
City council of Iqaluit gets crowned – Knob of the Week.
Paul Martin: Mr Dithers
Paul Martin explains his stance on missile defense.
NHL Lockout Video
Video that sums up the NHL lockout.
Newz Rapp
Rappers Feminem and Ice Berg report on George Bush, Nobel Peace Price, Missile Shield, Vancouver Winter Olympics, Michael Jackson.
Alan Park: Not The Official Story
Alan Park talks about Tournaments of Hearts winner, defaced nude statue in Penticton BC, improving railroads and highways in Northeaster Canada the States, beef ban, Paul Cellucci, Condoleezza Rice.
Laundromat
while doing their laundry two women discuss Paul Martin’s missile defense situation, John Manley, Pierre Pettigrew, breast hungry gorilla.
Across Canada Today
Across Canada Today travels to Charlottetown to talk about fish, South central Ontario to talk about the greenbelt plan and Winnipeg to talk about internet dating.

Episode 12-17: Friday, Feb 25, 2005 @ 8:00PM

Dave The Cabbie
Dave the Cabbie rants about Ralph Goodale, Paul Martin not signing missile defense, Paul Martin sending 30 soldiers to Iraq, NHL’er Steve Moore sues Todd Bertuzzi, Famous Players theatres, monarch butterflies - Insurance company profits, B.C. polygamists, Adrienne Clarkson.
Gilbert Smythe Bite-Me: Best Picture
Gilbert Smythe Bite-Me makes his Best Picture choice.
Adrienne Clarkson At Rideau Hall
Security guard Arden Gardner keeps Adrienne Clarkson safe from a tour of students.
Sister Bessie: Gomery Inquiry
Sister Bessie targets the Gomery Inquiry.
George Stroumboloupolous & Ralph Goodale
George Stroumboulopoulos crunches numbers with Finance Minister Ralph Goodale.
Alan Park: Not The Official Story
Alan Park talks about Gomery, Defense Minister Bill Graham, WalMart, antidepressants, study on yawning, Hutterites, Charles upcoming marriage to Camilla.
What's News
The What’s News team reports on Paul Martin as “Mr. Dithers”, Charles & Camilla, Jack Layton, Asian flu, Boise Idaho strip club, co-founder of Subway Subs, Bill Cosby, Michael Jackson.
Curmudgeon: Vioxx
The drug Vioxx leaves the Curmudgeon with a heart of stone.
Craig & Luba Talk To Jeremy
Jeremy asks about CBC spending.

Episode 12-BO3: Friday, Feb 18, 2005 @ 8:00PM

Coach's Corner: 7 Second Delay
Coach's Corner's new seven second delay.
Hockey Withdrawal
A woman attempts to bring her husband out of a comatose state brought on by the hockey strike.
Jody Vance & Mario Lemieux
Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow rap about the NHL strike.
Guy Lafleur Commercial
Aging hockey star deals with Erectile Dysfunction.
Joke Compilation # 1
What the lockout means to the Toronto Maple Leafs, discovery of an 1834 hockey painting suggests the sport may have originated in the U.S., Todd Bertuzzi.
That's Hockey: Haley Wickenheiser
Haley Wickenheiser proves she's man enough to play with the ladies.
Bettman/Goodenow
Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow go tongue to tongue.
National Anthem
American National Anthem sung to a different tune.
Postal Strike
NHL players take a shot a delivering the mail.
Joke Compilation # 2
Midget hockey league tests players for performance-enhancing drugs, outdoor NHL game in Edmonton, Doug Gilmour.
Coach's Corner: Queen
Special guest Ron MacLean and her Royal Majesty drop the gloves in Queen’s Corner.
Gretzky Ad
Number 99 still has meaning for Wayne Gretzky – it’s the number of products he’s currently endorsing.
Spitting Hockey Players
Hockey players worried about the economy.
Joke Compilation # 3
Haley Wickenheiser, NHL arenas install safety nets, Don Cherry/Greatest Canadian.

Episode 12-16: Friday, Feb 11, 2005 @ 8:00PM

Gomery Commission: Chrétien
John Gomery probes Jean Chrétien.
Thank You News
Anchors Joan Manners and Donna Pleasance look at Prince Charles & Camilla, Iraqi coloured finger system, General Rick Hillier, Defense Minister Bill Graham, B.C. Beaver Fever, Saskatchewan wants same treatment as Newfoundland, new bat stroke remedy, Pit-bull owners.
Gilbert Smythe Bite-Me: Best Actor
Gilbert Smythe Bite-Me all-male movie review.
Speed Network News
The fastest newscast anywhere reports on Quebec liquor strike over, Edmonton Police fire chief, U.S. opens border to Canadian cattle, Condoleezza Rice, Ontario trillium, Happy Days reunion, alcohol harmful as cigarettes, Queer Beer, Gomery comment, Gummy Bear implants, new Crest toothpaste, Neilson ratings.
Lie Detector Commercial
Beauty cream tells no lies.
Alan Park: Not The Official Story
Alan Park targets Winnipeg police video taping John’s, SkyDome new name, Sydney tar ponds, B.C. government targets beaver fever, Super bowl halftime show, Merriam-Webster approves new George Bush friendly words.
Crocodile Hunter Animation
Crocodile hunter Steve Irwin does it Vegas style.
Joan Rivers & Michael Jackson
Joan Rivers interviews Michael Jackson about his molestation trial.
Daily Planet: Eagles
Jay Ingram talks about bald eagles.
Parliamentary Asides: Ethel Blondin-Andrew
MP Elthel Blondin promotes snow as a reusable fuel alternative.
Leonard Cohen's Valentine DVD
Leonard Cohen’s DVD of love.

Episode 12-15: Friday, Feb 4, 2005 @ 8:00PM

What's News
Anchors Kyle and Meagan report on Canadian Olympic committee plan for gold in 2010, new bridge between Detroit and Windsor, Eastern Canada snowstorm, new baseball steroid plan, Paris Hilton, book of bin Laden Interviews.
Dar Heatherington
Dar Heatherington keeps us up to date on what is happening in her life.
Look, Learn & Listen
Liberals demand northerners must register their canoes.
Gilbert Smythe Bite-Me: Best Actress
Gilbert Smythe Bite-Me's Oscar chick picks.
Aspirin Commercial
Commercial for the new extra strength spontaneous combustion aspirins.
Canadian Moment Part 01
Air Farce’s donut shop talk about George Bush's state of union address, Condoleeza Rice, casinos on Air Canada.
Bill O'Reilly Animation
Fox loudmouth Bill O’Reilly is in over his head when he slags the CBC.
House Of Commons Security
Anne McLellan deals with a House of Commons security guard.
Superbowl Auditions Animation
Halftime auditions for the Super Bowl.
Alan Park: Not The Official Story
Alan Park targets cadet Halloween party, U.S. occupation of Iraq, Kanata man’s suicide, Iraqi election, same-sex marriage.
Knob Of The Week: Sudbury Council
The city of Greater Sudbury Council are crowned – Knob of the Week.
Canadian Moment 02
Air Farce’s donut shopper talk about Guantanamo Bay/Donald Rumsfeld, Iraq elections, George Bush, Condoleezza Rice, American Idol, African Lion Safari attack and Virgin Airlines.
iGod
Sister Melanoma unveils the church’s latest gadget to get more kids to read the bible – The iGod.
Canadian Moment 03
Air Farce’s donut shopper talk about new slogans for African Lion Safari.

Episode 12-14: Friday, Jan 28, 2005 @ 8:00PM

Channel 10 Report
Anchors Kyle and Meagan report on Canadian Olympic committee plan for gold in 2010, new bridge between Detroit and Windsor, Eastern Canada snowstorm, new baseball steroid plan, Paris Hilton, book of bin Laden Interviews.
Missing Link Animation
The discovery of the missing evolutionary link.
Wacky Wanda
Wacky Wanda’s fine art sale.
Weather Network: Earthquake Report
Scientist encounters a quake of size-mo-gasmic proportions.
Lotto 649 Commercial
After trying to do something nice for their kids, a cottage couple learn they have lost the generic lottery.
Iraq Election Advance Coverage
Iraqi coverage of the Iraqi election.
Todd Bertuzzi Animation
NASA takes aim at destroying a comet with the help of Todd Bertuzzi.
Parent Hockey Rage
Dealing with the outbreak of parental hockey rage.
Alan Park: Not The Official Story
Alan Park talks about Canada 's national defence department, Toronto – cultural capital, new Ukraine president, Afghanistan president Hamid Karzai, Iraq election.
Paul Martin & Danny Williams
Paul Martin and Danny Williams engage in some verbal sparing over the Atlantic Accord.
Murphy Report: Same Sex Marriage
Rex Murphy gets lathered up over SpongeBob Squarepants.
Condi Speaks
Condoleezza Rice’s tsunami comment.
Inside Sports Tonight
The hockey lockout has forced a number of NHL’ers to look for new careers.
Channel 10 News Update
Anchors Kyle and Meagan report on Bill Cosby, TV show Survivor, Leonardo DaVinci.

Episode 12-13: Friday, Jan 21, 2005 @ 8:00PM

Sandie Rinaldo & Paul Martin
Sandi Rinaldo interviews Paul Martin from Southeast Asia.
Dakota Commerical: Joint Pain
Native pitchman Floyd Red Crow Westerman sells his new product “Dakota Joint Pain Reliever”.
Bush: Inauguration Speech
George Bush gives his inauguration speech.
Ralph Klein: HealthWatch